1) Skip as many classes as possible, but when you're in class, make sure to have plenty of opinions about the material. Share them loudly and often.

2) Remember, the less "relevant" you find a class, the smarter you seem.

3) When asked a question, reply only in academic jargon. This will make your professors respect your impressive knowledge, and other students will see you as mysterious and elusive.

4) Don't decide on a major, or if you do, make sure it's not anything too serious.

5) Wear the same clothes that everyone else does - just make sure yours are more "you."

6) Don't talk about how cool you are. Make it apparent by criticizing others.

7) Talk on your cell phone as much as possible; people need to know how busy and important you are.

8) Never be seen without a hot girl by your side. Or if you're a chick, never be seen with less than three guys talking to you at once.

9) Drive your Jaguar to class and park it where everyone can see it.

10) Dye your hair at least three times a week, and make sure to wear plenty of makeup so you look natural. Also, if your ass doesn't fall out of your pants when you sit down, then they're not low enough. Remember girls, always wear heels! Three-inches are best; more pain, more gain!

11) Sunglasses speak louder than words. The bigger, the better -- unless you're a guy, then wear a hat, and make sure it's facing any direction but front.

12) Every sentence you say should be stylized by using the words "fuck", "sweet" or "whatever" at every possible opportunity. If you're a girl, cover up awkward pauses with the phrase "Like, you know."

13) Smoke cigarettes, weed, and drink beer at every opportunity. Learn how to be "alcohol savvy" - after all, it's only cool kids who drink these days, not loser alcoholics who can't hold down a job... that'll come in a few years.

14) Set your ringtone on extra loud and have your friends call you during class so everyone can hear your great taste in music. Oh, and flip off the teacher while you're at, in case he or she still thought you cared about the lecture.

15) Definitely don't hang out with that Theresa girl. She'll ruin your reputation for sure.


Hopefully these tips have helped you along your way to becoming a more popular, intelligent, well-rounded individual.